Ask Indigo: How to Stop Self-Sabotage

Halloween is just around the corner, which usually makes me think about dark, scary things, but then I realized these things are only real in our minds. Our minds are really good at conjuring up dark, scary things. All too often they are negative thoughts about ourselves…because, aren’t we all our own worst critics? Think about it–you would never be half as mean to another person as you are to yourself inside your own head. Crazy, right?

It doesn’t have to be this way. How much better would life be if we were nicer to ourselves?

So how to end the cycle of self-sabotage…let’s begin with comparison and its sister-cousin, competition. Part of the reason we’re down on ourselves is because we think we don’t measure up. Human have this weird tendency to look around and think other people have all the answers or are doing things better. You might think, “Rebecca is an amazing turner. I’ll never be able to turn like she does,” and you would be right… because only Rebecca can turn like Rebecca.


Every one of us is different from the rest. It’s as if we all have our own unique frequencies, kind of like personal radio stations. You can’t really compare indie rock to bluegrass, although you might prefer one over the other (God knows I do), because they’re not at all alike. Same goes for your friends. For example, Ashley might be a really good listener, Monique is always good for a laugh, and Sam knows the inner workings of the universe because he always has his head in a book. You can’t possible compare these relationships because they each bring something different to your life.

You can’t compare yourself to other people, either. The problem with comparison is this: every time you get caught in the comparison trap, you’re taking energy away from your own process. How will you ever perfect your fouettés when your mind is busy watching someone else?

You won’t.


The only way to truly shine is to fine-tune your personal frequency turn the volume up. That, my friends, means keeping your mind on what you are doing and the steps you can take to do it better–not better than Rebecca–but better than you were able to accomplish yesterday.

Your frequency, your process. Tune in and turn it up.


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